User talk:CptHrki
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Cold War page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 22:58, August 4, 2015 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 00:27, August 5, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:40, August 5, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:40, August 5, 2015 (UTC) :Story was finished, but still not up to QS. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:40, August 5, 2015 (UTC) ::Even if it was finished, there were quality issues with the story, punctuation, capitalization, plot issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:40, August 5, 2015 (UTC) Re Story Starting off with the basics, this was how a majority of the story was formatted: "As he awoke, John was instantly hit by the foul smell of his surroundings. He got up from his dusty, dirty" You start the story in past tense, but switch to present tense multiple times: "Talking about life, and talking about why he is here, what is his purpose?", "He had (past) a dream, a dream about making his way out of where he is (present), a dream about what he could (past) do to accomplish that dream." Redundancy issues: "he saw something, something (repetition) on the single window of that room." Awkward phrasing: "The next day his faith brought him (???), John was extremely dehydrated,", "John ran home, but his time faster. " Punctuation issues: ""John, I want you to jump down.",(comma should be inside quotations and the period is not necessary.) and John responded: "But it's dark, and seems dangerous." "Just do it, you'll be thankful", (comma misplaced) the voice said." Additionally dialogue should be spaced out so two speakers are never talking on the same line. Story issues: the 'what really happens when someone is in a coma' premise has been addressed multiple times by a lot of creepy pasta. (Wake Up, It Hurts a Bit], etc. Your story really brings nothing new to the table and doesn't explain much. Then there's the ending: "He asked: "Where am I?", and she responded: "John, you are awake, thank God! You've had a car accident! You've been in a coma for the last 30 hours!" John suddenly realized what happened, a" How does cutting it off enhance the story at all. It doesn't make sense as you're telling the story in third person perspective and in past tense. How would his waking up influence the story, and why? A majority of the story lacks explanation. Why is he in that place and experiencing those things. The coma comes off more as a set piece for creepy things to happen without much bearing on the story. You could interchange it with sleeping or entering a trance and not change the story at all. (And that is not good.) Those were a few of the issues present in your story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:58, August 5, 2015 (UTC) :I would look over the deletion message: "DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules." To re-upload it, you need to make a deletion appeal and have a link to the Writer's Workshop or pastebin. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:41, August 6, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:58, August 6, 2015 (UTC) Your Appeal Has Been Answered! Your Deletion Appeal has been answered. I hope it's of help for your writing endeavors! --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 13:13, August 6, 2015 (UTC) Re Please put headings on your messages. Yes, I did look at your story. You really need to proof-read, because there are some grammatical errors. And by the way, adding multiple ellipses does not make the story 'creepier'. Please refer to a writing advice blog, which I linked in my comment. Thanks, and best of luck. [[User:Rinskuro13|'You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW.']] (^ⓛ ω ⓛ^) 19:14, August 6, 2015 (UTC)